a realisation just after midnight

poetry remains dormant when you are having a joy ride.it erupts only when you try to seek within yourself & try to find certain answers (rather recollect some old answers).it's something like searching your most precious possession in its old address.to me the most concerning thing in life is resurfacing of an unrealistic doubt.you know its unreasonable & totally illogical.then also you tend to succumb to it.you try to drown in your memories even when you know you can swim.the darkness deepens when feel and comfort fades away.all i want is myself to abide with me.tears have no bitterness. i know what i am saying is a heresy but i do abide with me.

covetous me

i saw a anti drug campaign poster in our college today.a nymphomaniac looking girl with piercings all around her face proudly proclaims that she don't do drugs.i had a good laugh seeing it.who cares if you do or don't nymph!!!!
well i am not a patroniser of doing drugs but i am doing it these days & i really feel like me.what i am exactly into is a kind of sugar; a very customised and personalised type.its like my own brand of cocktail of acid and heroine.it gives me a tremendous kick & helps me to seek within.i don't think i was so sure about what i wanted as i am now.only thing it has taken away from me is my ultra-reckless lifestyle.i don't dare to be fatal these days because this sugar clots my thoughts and senses.my best friend opines that i may be diabetic in long run.i simply put a cello tape on her lips- a blatant SHUT UP.
i am not gonna compromise on anything for my drug of life.so all those 'concerned' about me ,you guys can simply f*** off!!!


[n.s.- for all those morons who think i am taking brown sugar, peace off]

conscience hitters

they say "to err is human". i prefer it more like " to be belligerent is human".well we all can boast that we are the most sophisticated animals.now on the same line, we all know the perils and bliss of sophistication.let me give a simple example- a burning arrow in due course of time turned into sophisticated nuclear missile.all these correlative examples force me to conclude that a belligerent human is the most ferocious animal.

now the main point to contemplate is what's the best way to take revenge?you can go and shout or else have a physical dominance or just become too hostile to make the life of your adversary "memorable".however the most lasting and effective way is to hit the conscience of your "friend", then blast the respective ego and subsequently ruin the honorary life.

the most sophisticated mean of taking revenge has its own drawbacks like all sophistication's of human creativity.if your adversary has a strong hold upon him/herself and is clear to his/her conscious and also subconscious thoughts (pray he/she isn't like that), then the most effective weapon will definitely backfire with a greater impulse.only way to get out of its way is to flee temporarily ( or is it forever?)


however, we don't really give a damn to all this.we have a new weapon in our arsenal.we got to use it.its time for the society to hate its unorthodoxities.it's time to celebrate psychological manoeuvres and ego killings-as they say "game on...". i would prefer to brand it as "battle royale".

twister

in past 3 years, there is one thing which keeps on repeating in my life.at any point of time there is a chaotic mixing of my thoughts,deeds,life style,anectodes,brands i use,my hangouts and what all and what not.i don't understand if it is a mere coincidence or analogy or is it simply a big WTF??whatever it is i dont know how 2 express it.it is confusing,utter frustating but at the same time gives me some kind of flavour.

a recent thing that has happened to me is i am getting addicted to a specific brand of fruit juice -tropicana twister.oh great old monk!! please dont feel insecure.i still worship and adore you.i am so jobless and out of creativity that i am writing these shit loads...duh!!!!

one more year and i am going to graduate as an engineer.its time to feel proud and pat my back.i at times wonder that we will all graduate as some textual engineers with some blunt classroom teachings and sarcasms of our education system.we will be called as pillars of progress of human civilisation..damn it man!!!anyways we will all join in showing our white teeth wearing our black coats and throwing our black hat with a tail high up in the air.cheers to that!!!

nothing gets better when you come back home after being technically challenged for one more tiring semester and then being treated as a kiddo.good food, compliments fake warmth all around.however the comfort of being in my own city beats all this.i just enjoy being in kolkata.the smell of this city mesmerishes me.from my childhood i am a dedicated fan of pseudo bengali intellectualism and this city is the place where i can experience and enjoy it.


finally , thank you!!

(p.s- last line is from personal jesus)

IPL - Intentional Pun Limitless

straight over the head of ekta kapoor went the ball from lalit modi's bat for a six.welcome the new masala in prime time slot in stupid box for all ages in any indian home; this time from more scenic stadiums and less fanatic spectators. "Indian Premier League" was back, kicking behind all political, economical, brand-franchise issues. mr modi must be a relaxed man.this time he and his so called "glamours of the game" were far away from the stares of mr mutalik & his grandpas.cheers to intricate diplomacy of every one involved!!!

my "fair" horse this time was kolkata knight riders. this was not only because of the team management's involvement in everything but the game but also to see how mr buchanan messes it all up.after an unintentional win against kings, i also actively took part in gibberish discussions with my hostel mates analysing every dark and bright corners of this extravaganza.things turned out as predicted.my horse ended the carnival on top of the table (basically i was looking at the table upside down. come on guys- i am a loyal supporter).

however, the best part of this years madness for me is a particular blog - FAKE IPL PLAYER. that guy was the only one who could only spice it up with his jargon.the nicknames,sarcastic reviews and dressing room (& few other rooms also)updates were not in any way less interesting from hayden's ruthless crushing of opponent's bowlers.some more than 8000 followers of the blog can testify that the game was on in blogger also.

one thing i wonder at times is how these cricketers gain and loose their secrets in this period of time.(well they are sharing the dressing room after all).some overenthusiastic of this bunch at times mess up with their future prospect because of various "contributing factors".i hope force india f1 guys haven't seen this picnic.i at times feel pity for sutil or fisichella.jumbo n his guys r really lucky(mr. malya is prefering emotions over investment; nt bad!!!)


the carnival is over for this year.its time for a strategy break for a year.next year may be it will be back with some weirder innovations and surprises.that time i may pick up a pony instead a horse.

belligerent

things are meant to be like they are.then why do we wish they should change? the word expectation is really very dicey.depending on perspective,it is often deadly than terms like "greed" or "selfishness".it's not so simple to sing "goodbye, cruel worlds" always.if the domain of agnostic is limited only to god, then whats up for the mortal souls seeking comfort in each other's emptiness? at times the phrases "sweet sacrifice" and "sweet revenge" act as synonyms.


according to me,morbidity of copying something for the sake of faking happiness in life is the biggest crime."let there be light"- why the fuck should there always be light?if one arranges the words inhibition,premonition & clairsentient in any order,they will always depict the same thinking line.the moment the truth around us pokes its nose in our daily itinerary, we get pissed off.what if we stop hanging around the things we desperately want & rather consider every breath as the last one?


let every whisper be very loud....

one more day n still counting.....

pink floyd is god's greatest gift to me.i often wonder why i am so infatuated by it.well may be because it replies to each and every mood swings of mine; may be every pink floyd song asks the same question -" how are you different from the rest?"; may be because those sound mixing haunt me like anything else in this world....i really don't know. how can anyone be so true with expressions like "dark side of the moon", "what do you want from me?","dark sarcasms in the classroom","wish you were here","atom heart mother","comfortably numb"....the list can run down to infinity.
each one of them bearing the testimony of helplessness and pseudo intellectualism.

life often turns out to be very predictive.that's when,according to me, one starts asking questions. all the insecurities of life rushes to fill the comforting voids in the mind.we try to seek for those answers;the questions of which we never can think of.we expect people to read us the way we want but not the way they wish to. eventually it turns out in poetry mocking existence of one's thinking capabilities...bull shit....!!!!!!

looks are deceptive--that's what they say.well it never is.we turn out to be illiterate in reading the real face.then we accuse others and try to hide our in capabilities.however there is nothing wrong in this-human instincts after all.

i have a portrait of Che Guevara on the wall of my room.my hostel mates brand me as "bangali naxalite".i at times can't decide how to react to this one. i feel sad that an idea is being branded and iconised like this. moreover any revolution ;even if is a failure;must be respected.above all one can't claim to understand Marxism and its conjunctions with naxalism. i wish i could talk to those eyes just below the cap with the star.

the distress of life lies within the fact that anger is furnished in some dead blogs or in some dry poetry diaries..

encore

when i get down to writing things really become dizzy these days.. however i am again upto it....i was watching these video of steve jobs addressing a stanford graduation ceremony. quite inspiring i must say.the one thing i am inspired out of it.i plan to ask the mirror "is it my last day of my life" every morning while brushing my teeth.my mom will have a mixed reaction hearing this. however i will definitely miss her expression.

things are really not working these days...duh!!!!i wish i could tell myself- "dude get a life".i am writing this late night- sipping tropicana mango juice instead of old monk..( now dont i have a need of getting LIFE??" recently a girl proposed me and i somehow declined the proposal.certain converstions followed..
" i am unhappy. i dint expect it"
" saala atti dikhata hai.."
" bloody sadist"
" m liking this"
" that chick is insane ..she was after this maniac"

anyways facebook rocks. a quiz over there told me that i am HARAMZADA while the other told me i am born to a support to everyone. ...sad yaar...duh!!!!a recent study showed that grades degrade when you access social networking sites. these researches are meant to make me anti social...ahah..i need to get a life, i guess...

nayan tarse is blasting my ears out.....so peace(piss) off!!!!!

scooped @ 3:34 a.m.

some one named william once said "to be or not to be".a poet named bob asked "how many roads must a man walk before we call him a man?".finally an insane named kurt shouted "come as you are." i just think security is deaf and dumb.why don't we walk in the wrong route and often call wrong numbers?what if i dare to seek into an unknown eye?silence,i find these days have become to much talkative.i think it has conspired with my mirror which always blushes at me when silence speaks with me.

now everything is contextual.a rainy day can get onto nerves and freak people out;a worthless nuisance in the rat race.again the same rain can bring a jovial coffee session and beautiful images all around- dropping from the leaves,creating ripples in the street,clinging onto the wind chime and it goes on and on.it may again screw a party evening.also it may tell stories in a lonely afternoon.
romanticism to some may be a fresh red rose,to some it is a sweet candle light dinner.to me its a peaceful sleep which seeks into my eyes in a melancholy night.

"you enter my mind and take all my resolve away"

was'up

wassup???i am loving this word since last week.actually it helps me to infect other people with my jobless boredom.however it got to have a right accent and tone.something like wa-sss-upppp or w-aaa-s-uupppp!!!!if you think yourself to be a real dude, you may use just 'sup?'.yeah i am loving it(mcdonald's may sue me).so to whom so ever it may concern whhaaassssuuuppppppp?????

i wonder whether lenon was just a singer or a rebel.he should have imagined to give peace a chance based on the perspective of any working class hero.cobain should have shot himself after making more girlfriends.i was seeing a documentary on epshon's dolls house.i don't know how i got a spur to think about our contemporary world based on nora.well,i think it can be remarked in the lights of lamp-post in front of my balcony.(wassup ???).

what if i say,infidility and subconscious sex carving of today's youth may be one of the outcome of their joblessness(well its just a hypothesis;dont throw stones at me).there is no revolution,no innovation nor any mass activity around.so joblessness may bound to seek in.no one can be really condemned for it.the old intellectuals will say in a barritone voice-"things are really sad." we will promptly say -"as if we care.lets go for a booze man".whatever it is i am liking it.(oh yeah!! wassup???)

one of the major questions that is roaming around in the air is " does there is anything called true teenage love??".no point debating on its nature.who cares if it is a mere infatuation or physical attraction?.some X cries because some Y dumped Z while some A cries because some B left after draining C's pocket.you see life is really complex.don't think so much;basically it all boils down to some secretion from pituitary glands.

aren't you bored yet???still reading?? nice...so wassssuuuppp?????

memories....

i had gone back after quite a few years to this place called srirampore; the place where i grew up and tasted my adolescent.the agenda of it was to attend a reception of my childhood tutor's son.it was a mixed feeling or i dunno whether i was confused.things have changed a lot which is definitely expected but i just couldnt get along with it.however it would be a sweet memory as i caught up with few friends after some 5 yrs.

now there was once upon a time a fat friend of mine.his essence of life was to be a good boy(more specifically mom's goodygoddy type).this guy was what our society defines as a good boy.its quite chocking to observe him and i detasted it very much.however i couldnt be rude to him because of his soothing nature.to be more specific i enjoy his company.however his sense of humour has detoriated and he testifies whatever he speaks with some stupid logic.well this another friend of mine still remains the very same.she is still the same witty,subtle and wicked.it was great pulling the legs of the god boy with her.nice company to bring up the nostalgia and to live up to it.

well taking about memory makes me walk back to school life.(till 10).a harsh truth is i have lost all my good friends of that time;although i don't repent it basically.however these days i am quite in touch with 2 of them;those specific 2 whom i thought to be snob and am sure that the feeling was mutual.i wish to verify this hypothesis of mine with them.well i am in touch with 5 of my frnz(of my +2).their friendship would be something i will cherish my lifetime(my fingers are crossed).why do people change when they are least expected to do so???


one of my friend reads my blogs.i dont get why does she do that?is she as insane as me or just time pass??anyways my blog got a reader whom i know..proud me..this reader has a fetish to think herself tall(relativistic overview of life).however it was interesting to find some of our thoughts match.(see m indirectly bragging and also feeling pseudo proud).


memories they say is just a evening walk throught a street by the garden.the lights and shade caused by the neonic tubelights are replica of our life.i guess people think a lot but they really dont want to do it.i wish there would be a day where we would celebrate thinking.i would write a song for you;paradoxically it would be the resume of my life.i would sing it with some morbid riffs and distortion with major headbanging.i would try my best so that you dont understand the lyrics.the bottomline is - i wil kill the song.( now dont get me wrong; i am not suicidal).memories often force me to read morbid poetry. i simply love them.i wish to correlate with them and my pessimistoc approach helps me.


memories also force me to think if i had an option of not being me but to be a more successful,desirable good boy.i hate my memories then.well all this may sound as if i got ditched today but basically i am enjoying my old monk and listening to poets of the fall.i am in love again with myself and am celebrating life....

everyday...

everyday i think today got to be,has to be,must be,should be a bit different from yesterday or every other day.however when i go to sleep i feel comfortable and secure that its the same mundane yesterday.i try to comprehend that this thought-process of mine is whether a result of insomniac frustration of my ambiance or simply just materialistic jealousy.

now i think i have figured out the difference between loner and loneliness.one is just being a loser or being a escapist while the other may be a result of self induced satisfaction resulting in development of a trait nourished by year long acumen of just being myself and not give a fuck to i-am-not-sure-what.however you got to compromise;at least to yourself.

i wonder why people break the queue. more interestingly they try to form a new queue.so its not just chaos reigning;its rather selfishness dominant.how about carrying a tool kit and fix things in our own way??sorry i don't have so much time.

things really do change fast.once i liked to share my likings with my close friends.now a days i share the same with my closed room only.i love to stay awake very late at night.i however am not sure whether i just like it or i am getting addicted to this good habit.any ways, i will still keep my eyes open till 4 a.m.