zindagi - once but twice or more

the egotist in me will always force to me to indulge in some "ME,ME" screaming as soon the cursor starts to blink in this box. the loyal follower of that egotist i.e me will obviously indulge. so here is what it is - i am not a filmy kind of a guy but bollywood at times throws tomatoes at me; squashed not pulped.

people say people mature as they grow older. the cynic in me disagrees.it's just the crazy diamond in them cease to shine. the lunatic sleeps off in the green grass & the inner self searches its past on the dark side of the moon. i guess that's what people say being responsible with life seems like. i am not complaining about it; i am being a critic.
the optimistic content guy in me puts it as something called stability in life. sometimes who meet some people & then that some people defines your life. you can't help it; u will let it to be as it is. time for one phase of your zindagi to make some space (or move out) for another phase of your zindagi. zindagi mil gayi dubara.you will eventually have a smile on your smile when you go to sleep every night- comfortably numb.

every one gets to relive one's life.if a dead reality like scams resurrect itself why can't an abstract case of one's mindset. things is not that different between an angry bull running behind you & you running behind the last bus to office in the morning;black and Blue-and who knows which is which and who is who.

this blog was meant to be a venting out zone of morbid monotony of my life. eventually, those unadulterated morbidity is lost.so, this blog remains as a lost diary. however, a time comes when you feel like writing. you are hypnotised to open the diary; reconciling with the lost soul in a fish bowl.

crossroads.....

there are those times when one wants to be just surrounded by oneself. don't want to look out or in.Staying numb-comfortably or with pain is then just another rhetoric question. adolescent may be a time of turmoil in life but it can be so predicatively indecisive as quarter life crisis.

then there are these "once & future cities" like kolkata & mumbai.you don't really know what to expect from them. they stand up for every possible cliches' in this world but yet they are vindictively unique. bangalore i can see you raising your hand for a high five but trust me you have no idea of what i am talking about. you are yet to grow up as a maximum city. nevertheless, i will always love your innocence. a high five to that.

frankly speaking i don't like my job. there are a lot of hypocrisy involved in a corporate scenario which at times make me feel dishonest to myself. yet my job pays for what i love doing. i am grateful to my job for that. keep those currencies coming to my pocket dear pseudo-ethical businesses.

talking about what i love doing, reminds me of a humdrum i was hearing few days back. i see people indulging to "learn" how to love more what they love. going out & out to be more romantic as they may call it; looking for some public recognition & then showing it off- does all this give the joy of creating as it did in those earlier days? i really don't know nor do i want to.

i hate artificial stuffs. it really pisses me off when we tend to disregard what we have & try to go for an changeover. all of you may accuse me to be a bore but i really can't help it; specially of those things which are really very close to my heart. the artificial makeovers may be no doubt beautiful but it takes away the charm & serenity of the original sensuality.

i think seeing all these i am tending to be more cynic day by day. i am getting inspired to be a ruthless critic of what i do; tyrannically sensor display what i love doing & only be contended with something which brings out "its F-awesome" as the first thing i can say.

all i realise, that i am standing in life's crossroad....

something more than it....

"i wish i could feel it,
i wish i could steal it...."

my jukebox has a very uncanny ability to shuffle songs judging my mood.it doesn't let me decide to go into the mood or flow out of it. it binds me to become a pseudo masochist. stability is all i want now;just tired of the neon lights around me screaming globalisation.seems like one moment just doesn't pass by.young lust is now more of a bitter-sweet symphonies.i still meet those zombies whom i had befriended few years back.now they remember me vaguely,meet me rarely but those visits have become more intense.does mood swings act possessive?

i think they do & at times very much.

all i feel after the send off they give me every time is saturated loneliness in this maximum city....

what if every one cared...

it is said one got to be fortunate enough to witness history. simultaneously the same one has to be equally unfortunate enough if he is the victim of that history.i don't know which category the egyptians will like to choose themselves. whatever be their choice, they will all agree at some point or other that their back was against the wall. eventually a turn around was about to come.

now this is what makes me ponder. why do we always got to have our backs against the cold wall? aren't the raging corruption,inflamation,scams,etc enough to point their middle finger right in front of our eyes?are we "educated,responsible,civilised" citizens blind?

i will wait for the day when egypt comes to india..

"what if everyone cared & no body cried...

....we will see the day when no body died..." (nickleback)