crossroads.....

there are those times when one wants to be just surrounded by oneself. don't want to look out or in.Staying numb-comfortably or with pain is then just another rhetoric question. adolescent may be a time of turmoil in life but it can be so predicatively indecisive as quarter life crisis.

then there are these "once & future cities" like kolkata & mumbai.you don't really know what to expect from them. they stand up for every possible cliches' in this world but yet they are vindictively unique. bangalore i can see you raising your hand for a high five but trust me you have no idea of what i am talking about. you are yet to grow up as a maximum city. nevertheless, i will always love your innocence. a high five to that.

frankly speaking i don't like my job. there are a lot of hypocrisy involved in a corporate scenario which at times make me feel dishonest to myself. yet my job pays for what i love doing. i am grateful to my job for that. keep those currencies coming to my pocket dear pseudo-ethical businesses.

talking about what i love doing, reminds me of a humdrum i was hearing few days back. i see people indulging to "learn" how to love more what they love. going out & out to be more romantic as they may call it; looking for some public recognition & then showing it off- does all this give the joy of creating as it did in those earlier days? i really don't know nor do i want to.

i hate artificial stuffs. it really pisses me off when we tend to disregard what we have & try to go for an changeover. all of you may accuse me to be a bore but i really can't help it; specially of those things which are really very close to my heart. the artificial makeovers may be no doubt beautiful but it takes away the charm & serenity of the original sensuality.

i think seeing all these i am tending to be more cynic day by day. i am getting inspired to be a ruthless critic of what i do; tyrannically sensor display what i love doing & only be contended with something which brings out "its F-awesome" as the first thing i can say.

all i realise, that i am standing in life's crossroad....

something more than it....

"i wish i could feel it,
i wish i could steal it...."

my jukebox has a very uncanny ability to shuffle songs judging my mood.it doesn't let me decide to go into the mood or flow out of it. it binds me to become a pseudo masochist. stability is all i want now;just tired of the neon lights around me screaming globalisation.seems like one moment just doesn't pass by.young lust is now more of a bitter-sweet symphonies.i still meet those zombies whom i had befriended few years back.now they remember me vaguely,meet me rarely but those visits have become more intense.does mood swings act possessive?

i think they do & at times very much.

all i feel after the send off they give me every time is saturated loneliness in this maximum city....