crossroads.....

there are those times when one wants to be just surrounded by oneself. don't want to look out or in.Staying numb-comfortably or with pain is then just another rhetoric question. adolescent may be a time of turmoil in life but it can be so predicatively indecisive as quarter life crisis.

then there are these "once & future cities" like kolkata & mumbai.you don't really know what to expect from them. they stand up for every possible cliches' in this world but yet they are vindictively unique. bangalore i can see you raising your hand for a high five but trust me you have no idea of what i am talking about. you are yet to grow up as a maximum city. nevertheless, i will always love your innocence. a high five to that.

frankly speaking i don't like my job. there are a lot of hypocrisy involved in a corporate scenario which at times make me feel dishonest to myself. yet my job pays for what i love doing. i am grateful to my job for that. keep those currencies coming to my pocket dear pseudo-ethical businesses.

talking about what i love doing, reminds me of a humdrum i was hearing few days back. i see people indulging to "learn" how to love more what they love. going out & out to be more romantic as they may call it; looking for some public recognition & then showing it off- does all this give the joy of creating as it did in those earlier days? i really don't know nor do i want to.

i hate artificial stuffs. it really pisses me off when we tend to disregard what we have & try to go for an changeover. all of you may accuse me to be a bore but i really can't help it; specially of those things which are really very close to my heart. the artificial makeovers may be no doubt beautiful but it takes away the charm & serenity of the original sensuality.

i think seeing all these i am tending to be more cynic day by day. i am getting inspired to be a ruthless critic of what i do; tyrannically sensor display what i love doing & only be contended with something which brings out "its F-awesome" as the first thing i can say.

all i realise, that i am standing in life's crossroad....

something more than it....

"i wish i could feel it,
i wish i could steal it...."

my jukebox has a very uncanny ability to shuffle songs judging my mood.it doesn't let me decide to go into the mood or flow out of it. it binds me to become a pseudo masochist. stability is all i want now;just tired of the neon lights around me screaming globalisation.seems like one moment just doesn't pass by.young lust is now more of a bitter-sweet symphonies.i still meet those zombies whom i had befriended few years back.now they remember me vaguely,meet me rarely but those visits have become more intense.does mood swings act possessive?

i think they do & at times very much.

all i feel after the send off they give me every time is saturated loneliness in this maximum city....

what if every one cared...

it is said one got to be fortunate enough to witness history. simultaneously the same one has to be equally unfortunate enough if he is the victim of that history.i don't know which category the egyptians will like to choose themselves. whatever be their choice, they will all agree at some point or other that their back was against the wall. eventually a turn around was about to come.

now this is what makes me ponder. why do we always got to have our backs against the cold wall? aren't the raging corruption,inflamation,scams,etc enough to point their middle finger right in front of our eyes?are we "educated,responsible,civilised" citizens blind?

i will wait for the day when egypt comes to india..

"what if everyone cared & no body cried...

....we will see the day when no body died..." (nickleback)

MOCKtale

ingredient 1 - people look down upon frustration & anger with a very negative perspective but i found them highly inspiring & creative at times.they are like the imaginary soul who kicks your ass when you are cornered and force you to counter.

ingredient 2 - expectation is comparatively a more holy soul than greed.it can be a huge personal weakness(like mine).it can vary from a macro need like a lump sum amount to a minor wish of a text or call from that special someone.

ingredient 3 - speaking of that special someone reminds me that the above ingredients must be blended well with possessiveness.now this ingredient is like a topping of your choice.just pick a reason or type of expression of being possessive.

ingredient 4 - however grown up we pretend to be;we are still that child deep inside.the fun starts when that kid inside starts to talk logic with the outer grown up.subconsciously we are very biased.

now mix these 4 with respect to the desired level of being drunk n get sloshed...

cheers!!!

euphemism

things do have a repetitive nature.for some people it's like a cycle of events;for some it's waves coming & going back & for some it's just repetition of the same mistakes, same goof-ups which result in more frustration, more despair & cumulative destruction of self-expectation. we do need to draw a line depending on our won capabilities..alas!!enlightenment happens when it gets branded as post-dated.


solitude is often necessary.it gives you an insight to yourself & things & people who are your own-self.distance do make things clear & comprehensible, make them stay & makes them feel cherished. i guess it requires enough mental maturity to understand & feel it. to me only a genius cracked brain can get its true flavour.years of dedication devoted in introspection, i guess.


there is an addiction in discovering the so-thought-already known aspects of life. it evokes real passion of exploring oneself.a wanderlust within one's brain..a mirage...so close yet so far...the distance beckons you....you wish you can just travel it in no time...& then you stand still & watch & smile..

Realistic Phantasmagoria

my final year project work is a real cocky shit. i really don't get it that why i landed myself in such a mess of rods & strings with my brain getting twisted rotating triangles in different planes.as if this was not enough,there is an world famous professor (some great Englishman; you can also find him in wikipedia) guiding us. i don't really understand any of his emails & whatever he speaks flies way above my head.
the thing i like about him the most is his personal library;what a collection old man!...i really envy you.

just a day ago, it was as they say it "love is in the air".but recession did play its brutal role & left a sad mark.i read the so called story in the last page of Bangalore times. some AXE deo is the cause of cupid loosing its job & killing flies. sad, really sad.i wonder what will happen to all those arrows when recession made axe more economic. i wish i could visit tiger woods yesterday to find out what he is preferring to use.

now this great golfer who always smiled & said "delivering performance" (accenture guys, sorry!!) has made new buzz popularly termed as fidelity.intellectuals all around the world are breaking their head debating on what is moral & what is mean? what's the big fuss guys?? just stay alone for some time & evaluate yourself on basis of what matters to you more..damn simple.

Socrates said once "when you really want something dearly as you want air, you will surely get it".recently i am getting a feeling that this line may be true. from minute wishes to life defining wants do happen if you really want them to.some may say its all because of recent movements of Jupiter & Venus, some may say Chinese tigers are very happy these day. all i will say is i don't know or want to know the reasons.i am happy.

today i watched the movie MY NAME IS KHAN. its really wonderful to see people mature.the old rahul-anjali growing upto rizwan-mandira of today.poignant performance & script;i must say.if you don't prefer bollywood masalas watch it.you will respect Indian cinema. it hurts to see certain people being so swallow that they don't the intended flavour & spend time by just cursing whats there beyond their grasp. fellas, i am not cursing you; just don't bulb like idiots. however i have a question. will Mr. president watch this movie? i think he should and also take care of his epiglottis.the best part is the movie takes credit of one indian thing which i way above its worldly peers..the desi slangs...."abbe teri *&^% ki..."

finally to all those religious fanatics,"un"moral polices & all those self proclaimed senas n samitis....you guys can RIP...

with memories n red wine...

we at times think ourselves to be self-confident & self-content. we plan for our future.we dream, we wish, we prioritise, we implement..so on & so forth. the irony lies in the fact "change is constant" & we are committed to prove this fact as the solemn universal truth. yeah, it is true that man is a product of circumstances but then how will do the product control??

as i am moving into a new year, i realised that i am indeed nostalgic. i am falling in love with my city kolkata once again. the smell of the city again mesmerises me. i am once again enjoying the chaos,metro rail rides and nearly everything of & about the city.i now do agree, company does matter.i will really miss cosy walks n holding hands in bangalore.

looking back, i felt that i subconsciously missed the city. i have never enjoyed a saraswati pujo & kolkata book fair like this year.the taste of paati aatlamo is still very refreshing..

i wonder if we could freeze time & enjoyable moments so that we dont feel lonely after they are gone.i wish there was an unlimited supply of red wine for me.all i can do now is borrow pink floyd..."wish you were here"....